It wasn't losing you that broke my heart,
it was losing what I thought I deserved.
I thought I deserved love.
And whether I deserved it or not,
whether we get what we deserve, or what we don't,
whether we deserve everything, or deserve nothing,
it's irrelevant.
It was my perspective that broke my heart,
not you.
And I guess it's hard for me to admit to myself,
that it was never you that I was working for,
I was working for myself.
I guess it's hard for me to admit I'm so selfish.
I guess it's hard to admit that whether it was you or someone else,
my heart would have broken just the same way.
I guess it's hard to admit that you
Listen,
...all of my emotions, and all of my love says, 'yes'.
but all of my rationality says, 'no'.
and I know it hurts,
to kill all of your emotions...
But sometimes... you have to be stone cold.
I had a dream last night
It scared the living shit out of me
What am I supposed to say
That would make anything change
If the problem is within myself
And even if I can come to face it - inside of me
It is not a solution
Because simple asking a question - and receiving an answer
Doesn't solve anything at all
It is like the sentence never ends - no period to (stop it) (complete it)
It is like the dream never - I awake right
back into it
...and nightmare becomes torment
I could reach into the center of the beginning
It's just like finding the center
of where everything began
a point 0 distance
There is a moment in time;
I am sitting on a bus
looking at all these people
who do not exist.
Everyone is calm...in their own states of mind.
I look at them...
These people who aren't really there.
They are thinking of the past,
they are thinking of the future,
but is no one there on that bus right now with me.
There are many worlds where we can be,
but only one exists
the past, and the future-do not.
I look at all these people on the bus,
who are in the past,
or in the future-
I may as well be looking at air.
...on your neck.
Sleek aphotic metal, complex
ity soothes the
psychotic
+
Mass of constructive why
ers & deconstructs
the heart
+
Degeneration of flocks of
sickening proportions-
To the head
=
I will not stop.
At the (floors), on my knees, & At
I will not gut.
The living day-
nights I stumble
Just swipe it off cleanly to the
I will not breathe.
or hope.
or feel.
this. shit-for.
one more day...
...it will only be,
"How could you possibly know...
to...show...this world," and it's monk.
"keys to the coriddor>?"
How should you, no?
Flicker of feather dust...
A frequency rings in my ears,
Sitting on texture with hands in face...
Faded sunlight passing through the blinds:
"...when the wind comes."
A summary of my hollow flesh,
Oddly sequenced in the mesh,
Indirect dreams are clockwork,
Slaughtered, frozen @ plastic.
Bowed at the machine's feet,
8,000,000,000 dead
-you're next.
Indirect streams of cock-work.
Feather & Seven%,
Starch & Piss & Wind &
When the night falls the
...stop.
Seaweed, in your mind...
all you can thina kbout...
What?
all you can thin k a bout.
No, bleach. Bleach...what?
(fuck, didn't I say)
It's everywhere. It-is-every-where.
And you are NOTHING.
& Death
The blood soaks the carpets,
The puke drys to my breath,
The chemicals burn inside my veins,
Procrastinate, hypocrite, pathetic to the end.
My depression feeds on itself,
A cycle that has been so long...
I can't remember when it begun.
I'm walking...dead in this wire frame.
So tired I can not sleep.
So raped I can not fuck.
So hollow I can not touch...
There is...
not enough tissue to soak my tears,
not enough time to reach the next day.
Each step takes the deepest of my will power
Please, just go away.
